For Your Own Good
by morningsong101
Summary: Edward is back, but things are far from okay. Being human in a world of vampires is taking it's toll on Bella, and her unhappy childhood is catching up with her. She has an escape, but it backfires when her loved ones find out. Warning!cutting!angstBella


Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor will I ever make any profit off of writing this fanfiction.

The rain seemed to suddenly increase as I parked my truck in front of my house. I sighed and pulled my hood over my head before braving the walk from the truck to the house. I didn't know why the rain was upsetting me so much-maybe it was just because I'd had a rough a day.

And my luck seemed to get worse as I found the front door already unlocked. The second time in three weeks, the first time being when Alice had come to see if she could help Charlie with my funeral and found me alive after jumping from the cliff. The memory of the Cullen's return-Edward's return-almost made me smile.

But as it was, Victoria was still alive and hunting me, so I was a little to worried to smile at the moment.

I crept in as quietly as I could, even though I knew that if a vampire was in my home, they would have heard my truck from down the street. The kitchen lights were on, and I hesitantly walked into the kitchen. My heart stuttered as I saw who was sitting in Charlie's chair.

There was a vampire in my kitchen, but it wasn't Victoria. It was Edward.

I smiled as he suddenly appeared in front of me and kissed my lips. I dropped my backpack-I hadn't realized I'd been holding it as a weapon, ready to swing at any attackers, until now-and wrapped my arms around Edward's cold neck.

I deepened the kiss and, for a moment, thought Edward would let us continue a little further and then...he pulled away, breathing a little heavier and I gasped for air.

"Hello, my love." Edward smiled at me while I got my breathing under control.

"Hi."

Edward picked up my backpack. "What do you want to do?"

I blushed, thinking of what I'd really like to do, but knowing it was off limits.

"Um, watch a movie?" I suggested.

"Any particular movie in mind?" Edward asked, carrying my backpack into the living room for me.

I shook my head. "No, why don't you one out." I moved towards the stairs. "I'll be back in a moment."

I could feel his eyes-a dark butterscotch, telling me another hunting trip would be necessary soon-follow me up the stairs. I was careful not to trip.

I walked into the bathroom, closed the door, and made sure to lock it. Next, I glanced at the mirror and looked away. My face was flushed still from Edward's kiss and my hair was frizzing from the rain. I looked tired; today had been stressful. A history quiz, a calculus test, gym, the pounding rain, and lack of proper sleep had taken it's toll on me. Along with the itch in my arm, which I'd had to refrain from scratching too many times today.

For good measure, because I knew Edward could hear me from downstairs, I turned the sink on and splashed my face with warm water before turning it off.

Carefully, I rolled up my jacket sleeve, and then my shirt sleeve.

The scars littered my left as, just as I knew they littered my right arm and left thigh. But on my left arm was my most recent cut, covered with a thin bandage. It had to be thin: I couldn't have a bandage bulging through my long sleeves, and I had to take off my jackets and sweaters sometimes. Especially at nights. I knew that Edward would overreact, and that it would hurt him.

Most of these scars were from when he left and took his family with him. Some were from...before my life in Forks, but most of those were long since faded. But they all represented darker times for me. And those times and my way of dealing with them, my way of staying _me_, was my business and no one else's.

I scratched my arm for a moment, briefly wondering if I would be able to cut now, just to get rid of a little bit of that stressed feeling...but with Edward just downstairs and Alice always looking into the future, I quickly banished the thought. I pulled my sleeve back down.

I brushed my hair quickly and made sure there was a _clink_ as I set the brush back down on the counter. After one last check that everything was in place, I unlocked and opened the door, and went back down to Edward.

We were getting towards the end of the movie when Alice called. For a minute she talked to Edward, then Edward handed his cell over to me.

"Bella, guess what?" Alice sang.

"What?" I asked, giving Edward a questioning look. He just smiled at me.

"You're about to get a break from being grounded." she continued in her sing-song voice.

"Alice, could you stop doing that? It's weird." I muttered. Then I realized what she said. "What?Did you see Charlie letting me free?" I asked excitedly.

"No," Alice answered in her usual airy voice. "but he's going to stay with Mr. Benson at the hospital tonight. He wont want you to be alone."

Mr. Benson was a good friend of my dad's who was having a kidney transplant.

"Is Mr. Benson okay?" I asked Alice.

"Yes. I mean, there was a small complication, but he'll be fine. Just out of it for a few hours. Anyways, you're dad is going to call in two minutes and forty seven seconds. That's where you say that I, Alice, have been dying for you to spend the night and that Carlisle and Esme will be home. Any questions?"

_Yeah, did you think to ask me if I wanted to come over?_ I thought, knowing that was a moot point. Of course I wanted to go to Edward's.

"No, I'll see you soon, then." I said.

"No, I'm going hunting with Jasper, Carlisle, Rosalie, and Emmett. It'll be just Esme, Edward, and yourself, though Carlisle will be home before the rest of us-he wants some quiet time with Esme." Alice said.

I smiled Without Alice or Emmett, Edward and I would have a lot more privacy.

"Bella, get that smile off your face!" Alice said knowingly. Edward and I chuckled. "Just you wait until tomorrow!"

That sure wiped that smile off my face.

"Have fun, you two!" Alice giggled. The line clicked.

I gave Edward his phone back. We were both smiling.

"I guess I should go pack." I said.

"I'll help-" Edward said, getting up.

"No!" I said quickly. Edward wouldn't be too please if he came across anything sharp in my drawers or closet. Edward gave me a confused look. "Could you make me snack?" the words came out of my mouth before I had time to think about it

But Edward nodded dutifully, as if he had just been given a very important task.

"Anything specific?" he asked.

I needed a few minutes. "Could you heat up some of the fries in the fridge? They'll take a just a couple of minutes, but you have to watch them to make sure they don't over heat."

Edward nodded, pecked my lips with his, and went to the kitchen. At that moment, Charlie called.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hey Bells." Charlie said. "How was your day?"

"Fine." I tried not to sigh.

"Oh, that's good."

"What time are you going to be home?" I asked innocently.

"Well, there was a small complication with Brian's surgery, so I think maybe I would stay at the hospital tonight. Is that alright?" Charlie explained.

"Yeah." I added a small sigh to drop a hint that I was disappointed. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure? I mean, you don't mind staying home alone tonight?"

"Well, I guess not." I said hesitantly, wondering how I was supposed to work my way up to sleeping over at Edward's.

"You don't sound too sure. Maybe I should come home..." Charlie said reluctantly.

"No. I think I'll be fine-maybe a little spooked, but..." I said. Edward shook his head, finding my situation humorous. I glared at him. "Maybe I could call Alice?"

"Bella..."

"Yeah, I know I'm grounded, but Edward's camping with his brothers and Carlisle and Esme will be there...there's not much trouble I could get into with her parent's there." I tried not to sound too whiny.

A sigh. "Well, you are amazingly non-whiny and well behaved for a teenager...Edwin's camping?"

"_Edward_, Dad, Edward is camping." I also tried not to sound annoyed.

"Just this one night, Bella. I don't like leaving you home alone, so I guess this is okay." Charlie said.

"Thanks, Dad."

"Alright, well, be careful, kiddo. The roads are-"

"Wet? Slippery?" I was eager to get off the phone and go pack, cause the fries would be done any minute now and I would need a new excuse.

Charlie chuckled. "Yeah, that. I gotta go. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon, bye."

My fries were taken out of the microwave and my stomach flipped. During Edward's absence, I had lost interest in eating. I was still working to get my appetite back.

"I think...I think I'll eat later." I said.

Edward gave me a disproving look. "Bella, you should eat something."

"I'll eat later." I repeated. "I'm going to go change and pack. Be back in a few." I said before he had the chance to say he would help or protest and say I eat.

I quickly changed into a brown camisole and dark blue jeans. I exchanged my heavy raincoat for a sweater. I had everything packed and met Edward at the bottom of the stairs.

"Are we running?" I asked.

Edward nodded. "Unless you'd rather stay out of the rain and have Esme pick us up."

I shook my head. I didn't mind getting rained on a little, since I knew we'd be at his home in just a matter of minutes.

Edward did insist I wear his jacket, though, and I gladly took it. It smelled of lavender and lilacs-in other words, it smelled of Edward.

The run didn't take long, as I knew it wouldn't, and I reluctantly shrugged off Edward's jacket.

Esme greeted me with a hug, even though my hair and jeans were wet. "Hello, Bella."

"Hi, Esme." I said, feeling guilty stepping on the perfectly clean carpet in my rained-on state.

"Edward, you should have called. The poor girl's soaked. And so are you." Esme fretted.

"It's not his fault, I said we should run here." I said sheepishly.

"No matter, just wait one second." Esme ordered. She disappeared for a moment and came back with towels. She hand one each to Edward and I. "Now go upstairs and get dried off. Dinner will be done soon."

We both thanked her and headed upstairs. I changed in Alice's bathroom to my pajamas while Edward changed in his room.

Fortunately for me, the bandage on my arm was still dry, so I wouldn't have to worry about trying to fix it tonight, in a house belonging to vampires.

I decided, after seeing Edward had simply changed into other day cloths, that he didn't own a pair of pajamas. I would have to talk to Alice about that, because Edward in nightclothes would be adorable...unless he decided to wear just underwear...then it would be, for lack of better words, sexy.

"Bella, love, what are you thinking about?" Edward asked. We were sitting in the kitchen, watching Esme cook...something. I hadn't been paying attention.

"Don't you own any pajamas?" I blurted out. Esme and Edward laughed and my face grew warm. "Sorry, it's just that I never see you in anything but day cloths."

"I do have nightclothes." Edward shared. "But I just choose not to wear them. Not really my style."

"Alice?" I guessed.

"Alice." he agreed.

Esme made me a grilled cheese and ham sandwich with tomato soup. "I thought you'd like something light." I sent her a small smile, though I felt anything but grateful. My stomach flipped at the though of the cheese, gooey, sticky... I sipped at the soup, and, under Edward's constant gaze, took a few bites from the sandwich. I felt a little dizzy by the end of it all, but Edward seemed pleased that I had food in me, though not entirely pleased at the amount left.

Eventually, after twenty minutes or so of small talk with Esme-during which she managed to convince me not to worry about the carpet, there wouldn't be a stain-Esme migrated upstairs to do laundry and Edward and I went upstairs to his room. I found a surprise there.

"Why is there a bed in your room?" I asked, slightly bewildered.

"It's for when you sleep over." Edward said a nervous edge to his voice.

It was a huge bed, king-size, with gold covers and and rich, dark wood, beautifully carved. I had to admit, it was a gorgeous bed.

"Yeah, but...why?" I asked again.

"Well, the couch can't be very comfortable. I thought this would be a nice change." Edward said.

I think that if I hadn't been so tired, I would have been angry about the money spent. But I was too tired and, instead of complaining, I dropped my bag at the foot of the bed and collapsed on top. Within a few seconds Edward was next to me, and I curled up next to him.

My left arm burned again, and my right arm twitched, dying to rub it. Instead I put my arm around Edward's cool chest and sighed contentedly as the burn disappeared.

"You seem tired." Edward said quietly .

I nodded. "Mmm. I am."

"Would you like me to play some music?" he asked.

"My lullaby?" I asked hopefully.

I knew he had it on another CD besides the one he gave me, but he didn't move to play it. He hummed it like he usually did for me at night.

And so, as he hummed my lullaby and occasionally kissed the top of my head, I dozed off.

I wasn't sure how long I had been mostly asleep, but not too long after closing my eyes, I was foggily blinking them open again as Edward lifted, turned back the thick covers, and tucked me in.

"Sorry, love." he said softly. "Go back to sleep."

"Mmm. Love you." I murmured.

"I love you, too." Edward said. He kissed my cheek. A moment passed, then he kissed my jaw, then my neck. My heartbeat increased and I smiled. I could feel Edward's smile as he kissed the base of my neck, then my shoulder shoulder. Then his kissed the material on my upper arm.

For a moment I felt a flicker of unease. A split second later, the reason slammed into my dazed mind.

That was my left arm; the arm with the unhealed cut. Could his lips feel the cuts underneath the silk shirt Alice had bought me?

I jerked my arm away, unwilling to risk it.

Edward anxiously looked at me. "Did I hurt you, Bella?"

I shook my head, feeling guilty. "No, you didn't hurt me, Edward."

"Are you sure?" Edward pressed.

I nodded and added a small smile. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Then what's wrong, love?" he asked.

"Nothing." I replied automatically. Edward raised an eyebrow, a signature Edward move. "Well, it just sort of hit that we were about to make out with your mom in the house..." I lied. But the thought did have blushing, because I knew for sure that the Cullens' had each, at one point or another, heard a heavy make out session between Edward and I. Damn their incredible hearing.

Edward laughed. "Bella, love, it's nothing to be embarrassed about-trust me, Esme's heard worst from the others."

And suddenly I had the image of poor Esme hearing her other adopted children make love while she did laundry or dishes or dusting downstairs.

"I love your blush." Edward said.

I kissed his lips briefly, because now I simply couldn't start making out with the thought of poor Esme in my head, and laid my head back down, cuddling with Edward. He picked up his humming for a few moments, not long enough for me to start dozing again.

"Bella?" he asked.

I reluctantly peaked open my eyes.

"If there was something wrong, would you tell me?" Edward asked quietly. He was looking at me in that way only he could-intensely, determinedly, and strikingly. It was a look that could turn a girl's entire bone structure to jelly. Determined not to let his eyes affect me as much as they usually do-and failing miserably as his butterscotch eyes made my breath hitch.

"Of course." I managed to say.

"Good. I love you." Edward pressed his lips to my forehead and I sighed in contentment. I knew I should wonder why he asked, but I was too comfortable and relaxed to ask about worrying problems.

Edward started humming my lullaby again and I closed my eyes, ready for sleep.

So, my first fanfiction. How was it? Too short? Too long? Need more details? I'm open to reviews of every kind-yes, even flames.


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